There’s an article circulating the Web that you may have seen; it’s entitled “I Waited Until My Wedding Night To Lose My Virginity And I Wish I Hadn’t” by Samantha Pugsley. Last week, I saw a second article in response; it’s entitled “Dear Girl Who Waited And Wishes She Didn’t” by Savanna Hartman.
These two articles basically sum up the two main arguments for and against the conservative Christian stance on marriage and sex. The first one is written by a young woman who had internalized the purity doctrine so completely and so young that even when she was married, sex still felt dirty and sinful and painful. The second cautions that a popular article about not waiting could influence impressionable young girls who might then give themselves to men who don’t love them, abuse them, and take advantage of them (which was Hartman’s experience), and Hartman reassures her readers that she had never felt shame having sex within marriage like she had outside of marriage.
But combined together, these two articles lose track of two extremely important points:
- It’s okay not to wait until marriage if you’re ready and you understand what sex is and means.
- It’s okay to wait until marriage if you have decided for yourself—and for no one else, not even a deity—that it’s what you want to do.
I am married and so I’m going to try to respect my husband’s privacy in this post (pity the poor person who marries a writer!).